In the Bible, children are expected to respect parental authority and cooperate with their father and mother in the process of becoming a capable, competent, successful person.

Why is this?  It might reflect the fact that human children require a longer time period to fully develop physically and mentally than any other creature and therefore need the protection of loving parents while they are in the process of coming into maturity.  And we should be able to reasonably assume that no one has a greater investment in a child’s well-being that his or her parents, while at the same time we are acutely aware that there are many other predatory adults in this sinful and selfish world who would gladly lead children astray.

There is one other reason, however, why parents are given executive authority in the family system.  In any significant human endeavor, requiring an individual to accept RESPONSIBILITY for outcomes or consequences without providing that individual with commensurate AUTHORITY to achieve those outcomes, is a guaranteed recipe for disaster.  Parents have tremendous legal, social, and moral responsibilities – and they therefore need and deserve corresponding authority.

As a family therapist I occasionally encounter teens who, having been influenced by certain equalitarian assumptions promoted in our culture, will blithely assert that they should have the power to “make their own decisions” without being required to submit to the “intrusive interference” of their parents.

The sheer lunacy of teens expecting their parents to provide responsibility, while at the same time denying the right of those same parents to exercise appropriate authority, may be captured in the following paraphrase of the “Parent/Child Contract” those young people are implicitly proposing: 

“As your child I reserve the right, and expect the freedom, to do as I please – even to act in disregard to your instructions if I so desire – because you do not have the authority to curtail my behavior.  I believe that as a teen I am completely capable of calling the shots in my life, and am fully equal to you in experience, wisdom and perspective.

“In return, as my parent I expect you to pay the bills for any consequences that may ensue:  you will provide me with room and board, clothing, transportation and adequate spending money – you will pay the increased automobile insurance premiums if I get drunk and have a wreck – you will bail me out of jail and provide legal counsel if I get in trouble with the law – you will raise any children I bring into the world out of wedlock – you will pay for my college education, even if I blow off my classes and flunk out of class – you will provide medical treatment for any personal injuries I sustain as a result of reckless behavior – and in the event that I make myself emotionally or physically unable to earn a livelihood, you will support me for the rest of your natural life and then leave your accumulated assets to me in your estate as my rightful inheritance.”

As absurd as that “contract” sounds, it is essentially the agreement that has been demanded by some teens and, incredibly, acceded to by some well-meaning but misguided (or intimidated) parents.  And, in the long run, it is not in the best interest of either the teens or the parents.  There are sound reasons why God has granted the executive authority in the family system to responsible, loving parents and commanded young people to cooperate with their parents in the crucial process of becoming an adult.

–Dan Williams