I suppose by now you have heard the shocking news that Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing.  It is difficult to understand how marital bless eluded them.  After all, they had not one, not two, but three different wedding ceremonies.  They were first married last July near St. Tropez, France; then they tied the knot again on August 3 at the courthouse in Beverly Hills; then two weeks later, they celebrated yet a third wedding ceremony in Nashville, Tennessee.

Despite all the money they spent on flowers, diamond rings, and wedding cake, and even though they worked at it for a really long time by Hollywood standards  – almost four months – Pamela and the Kid  (Mr. Kid? Mr. Rock?) just couldn’t somehow make their marriage last.

Now they have joined the sad ranks of Jessica and Nick, Brad and Jennifer, Britney and that guy she was married to for a couple of years, along with so many other celebrity couples whose emotionally unstable soap-opera lives keep their fans enthralled and provide a multitude of paparazzi, gossip columnists, and tabloid magazine editors with gainful employment.

Apparently it takes more than fame, fortune, a surgically enhanced body, and an army of publicists to create matrimonial success.  No doubt celebrity marriages have unique pressures and temptations that ordinary folks don’t encounter, but based on more than 15 years of providing marriage counseling in a private practice, I have a more commonplace theory why so many couples are consulting divorce attorneys. 

God’s Word ties the well being of marriage directly to holiness (Hebrews 13:4).  Over the years I have counseled with several individuals whose chronic unwillingness to make a personal commitment to moral purity made them increasingly unfit for marriage.  Oh, these individuals would express frustration at the instability of the relationships they managed to briefly sustain; but they somehow never seemed to be able to make the mental connection between their casual premarital promiscuity and their subsequent inability to enjoy a successful marriage (which, after all, inherently requires the ability to maintain sexual exclusiveness and mutual fidelity).

When anyone – whether they are rich and famous, or just plain folks – hops in and out of bed with abandon before marriage, his or her commitment to the sanctity of marriage will be greatly diminished. As a result, they may be less motivated to do the challenging work of resolving marital adjustments and tensions in order to maintain an enduring, personally fulfilling relationship.  What is unholy before God is always unhealthy between people. When a marriage is formed on the foundation of fornication, it often becomes just another form of superficial, selfish (even if mutual) sexual exploitation. 

Marriage is not simply a secular contract or a social convenience – it is intended to be a sacred covenant, with God at the center (Matthew 19:4-6).  To put it bluntly, it doesn’t matter if a couple has two, or three, or even ten lavish ceremonies – unless they cherish the sacredness of marriage in their hearts, and reflect its holiness in their behavior, they are not likely to be successful at establishing a stable, satisfying, permanent partnership. 

Could it be that the psalmist was correct when he say, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it” (Psalm 127:1)?

-Dan Williams
El Dorado, Arkansas